The one person I am 'myself' with... is my Mother! She knows me inside out.. But did I miss to mention, she is one person I avoid confrontation, cause she is always right.. well maybe more often than not!! She has this incredible sixth sense especially when it comes to discerning my emotions. Honest, I don't have to utter a word and she knows that something's terribly wrong with me. She needs to only peek into my eyes and out comes the cat out of the bag!
She has recently acquired this "someone-save-my-heart-broken-daughter" syndrome - reason she has seen my tears "raining" not once, twice but every time and all because of the same person. I bet she would have been more accommodating if my heart breaks were associated with different persons, given the current situation... Hell no, I am not sulking over my past.... aaagh why waste time over a worthless past (I know half my folks would be exhilarated after reading this particular sentence. Consequences of my heart break - a distraught family).
Coming back to the point, some of my psychology basics got reinforced today - "Classical Conditioning". There have been times, when anything even remotely connected to "him" would get me into one of the "self - inflicted Ms. Devdaasi" modes. And usually in such circumstances I used to go on a "hunger-strike" (not intentionally though, but my stomach would just exhibit a 'no-entry' board). This association was observed by a "worried" Mom. I never realised this till today, when I kinda went on a similar "low-diet" spree and this question pops up - "did you happen to speak to anyone today?"... Phew, Mom can't I just not feel hungry and cut my portion size?
Reflecting on my "not-so-evenful" past, I realize I invested my love, time, efforts even myself into something (for someone) which never had a lock-in period, no profits, no dividends, worse I was penalized for those very investments. Now, I am left BANKRUPT...
Anyone interested in financing me? ;-)
893. In the end it does not even matter...
2 days ago