Critic - O - Phobia

It has been long since I have written anything. Though I have penned down my thoughts, I am not sure how encouraging it is!

“Who Cares!” – some of us think.. But would you really accept that we do really care about a lot of shit that people around us lay in our platter. Yes, it is up to us which part of that platter do we want to eat and what we want to waste. But honestly, unless you are absolutely insulated from the world around you, you definitely get affected at least superficially .

There are these self appointed critics who you would encounter at some point of your life. I somehow get this feeling that they derive some sadistic pleasure in getting the better (or should I say worst of you). And I have been ‘gifted’ with one such brilliant critic who lurks around me like my shadow – you can’t get rid off!!

Anyways, you are so stumped with the offerings of your life and then at times flabbergasted with the events/ incidents you become a part of.. To top it all, Lo!! You have the “Master of Ceremonies” announcing every so-called “flaws” to whoever is willing to listen to. There is a list of myriad of flaws in the menu – Attitude disorder, Ability disorder, “half moon – full moon” symptoms, personality disorders. And surprisingly all the faults lie only in me – that’s what that person was trying to get at.

Now he drills into me that I am worthless – because of what I am. Now can someone tell me, how does one change oneself, that same self you have become comfortable with all these years in just a matter of 1 year or so? And that too CHANGE because someone else wants you to change, can’t accept you the way you are or maybe gets irritated because of the way you are. Imagine my plight having to put up with it all through.

I completely accept genuine flaws. But I am quite sure not everything about me can be so disastrous, right? Either till date I have been under the spell that I am accepted in my skin or else the world has been blind to my seemingly blaring flaws.

Know what, he has this mirror constantly held unto me, something I do not always like to peep into. In fact, it’s more a magnifying glass that is held unto me. He is a sweet talker. Trust me – you must learn the oratory skills from him. Demeaning the other person outright while not explicitly insulting you but implying more than what those words could actually say!

He is the leech that is sucking out the positive energy (whatever little is left), every ounce of confidence, every bit of self-esteem, leaving me completely hollow. I have started doubting my capability, my identity, wonder if all the efforts were worth it!

Like the sugarcane is crushed till the last drop is squeezed out, so are you put under the survival test. In the end one thing’s for sure, either you are dismissed as waste or you decide to dismiss yourself, maybe even from this very stage of LIFE!!

P.S: This person is not even remotely connected to me, yet I am myself zonked by his power of disturbing me so much.