Pessimism

In the words of my Prof. " Stay away from people who are perenially negative". They can do a good job of contaminating the optimistic ones.

But come to think of it, dont' all of us exude negativity under different circumstances, though the intensity might vary. What is it that drives us to barge into the territory of pessimism - to the extent that people trip over to insanity and are forced to underestimate their very lives?

I must confess, I have been through this too often, than to shun it as frivolous. The parameters that cause pessimism are myraid - a broken heart, betrayal, a tumultous career, poverty, the reasons are endless. For me, it is having to live a meaningless life..

I do not know, the definition of a fulfilling life, but I can bet that it should be much more promising than what it is now. As a matter of fact there is nothing presumbly wrong. I have the resources, the support and everything needed for the recipe of a successful life, yet it tastes miserable. I feel restrained, limited, bound by something invisible. The more I try to break free, the tighter the noose gets.

I give up too easily, when I know I shouldn't. The feeling of hanging on to something that would snap off any moment is too strong. I want to be optimistic and there are times when I discard the shroud of negativity, but then circumstances become more apocalpytic and then I retreat to my pessimistic shell. I have the potential to achieve what I want to, but the apprehensions are too many.

I feel so cut off from the world. The loneliness gnaws at me, eats into my soul. I speak to many and to a third person's perspective I lead a perfect life. A peek into my mind and soul would reveal otherwise. I have a few whom I confide in, but without them I am susceptible to the vices of my mind. I can see and feel death brush against me with eternal ease. One thing I know, I do not fear Death, not now..

This entire write - up might stir some feelings against me in the minds of the reader. Nevertheless, even I hate to be prone to criticisms of undervaluing a beautiful and gifted life. I have voiced my agony - of living this life, yet I am among those who are resilient or have to be one among them to be accpetable. Otherwise I would be christened as a 'Coward', and I defer to accept it..

Hence the fight is on....