Little Brother

A 7-year-old kid
Influenced by the fact that all her friends had siblings – to play with
Desired to have one too.

And then one day –
“You have got a brother”
Was I happy – not sure
As I always wanted a sister..

Heart broken, I went to the hospital, nevertheless
And there, lying next to mamma –
It was beauty unknown to me,
My bundle of joy – my brother, my child!!
A dollop of snow,
With twinkling eyes,
A tiny pink nose,
Cute little lips, like dewdrop
I could die for him..

I remember the first time I took him in my arms,
I was holding my world!

Every stage of his growing years,
Was a celebration for us –
“look he turned on his stomach”
“Oh!! He can crawl”
and with this the interiors of the house changed –
toys strewn around, chairs upturned.
He was a born musician –
Music flowing from the banging of utensils!

Then there used to be the disappearing act –
We would be fanning for him in every possible room, neighbours’
But our prince chooses to be –
Under the stinky sink, a smirk on his face
The disappearing act was not just limited to him,
But also the things in our house –
Anything that he got in his hand,
Whoosh out of the window – one of us practically just running up & down the stairs
He really helped us a lot to remain slin & trim!!

His mumble – jumble words were fun –
‘Kopekya (was playing blocks), lichi (was chilli), dukku (mosquito), timono (road roller), mutani (TV remote)’
Don’t ask how he managed this vocabulary!

“look, look – he stood up”
“How quickly he grew – he can walk now”
Aw, the number of falls he must have had –
I pity his backside, really!!

He had this uncanny smile,
You just couldn’t help but melt away. He still has..

A few months into his LKG –
Mom was called by his class teacher
“Ma’m your child is the most mischievous student I have ever met.
I turn to write something on the black board and then to the class,
your son; he’s disappeared – know where under the bench eating his snack!!!”
Well he managed to sustain this reputation all through.

He just grew – overshot me
I started looking like his younger sister,
So, did he dominate me –
Yes of Course!!!

He has grown up to be a handsome child,
But absolutely down-to-earth,
Very caring and humble
And with an excellent sense of humour!!

Yesterday, it was his Xth results,
I still can’t digest that years have flown in a blink of an eye..
My little brother is no longer a kiddo,
But would be an adult in 2 years time.
Nonetheless, it is his memories that I’ll always cherish!!

Pessimism

In the words of my Prof. " Stay away from people who are perenially negative". They can do a good job of contaminating the optimistic ones.

But come to think of it, dont' all of us exude negativity under different circumstances, though the intensity might vary. What is it that drives us to barge into the territory of pessimism - to the extent that people trip over to insanity and are forced to underestimate their very lives?

I must confess, I have been through this too often, than to shun it as frivolous. The parameters that cause pessimism are myraid - a broken heart, betrayal, a tumultous career, poverty, the reasons are endless. For me, it is having to live a meaningless life..

I do not know, the definition of a fulfilling life, but I can bet that it should be much more promising than what it is now. As a matter of fact there is nothing presumbly wrong. I have the resources, the support and everything needed for the recipe of a successful life, yet it tastes miserable. I feel restrained, limited, bound by something invisible. The more I try to break free, the tighter the noose gets.

I give up too easily, when I know I shouldn't. The feeling of hanging on to something that would snap off any moment is too strong. I want to be optimistic and there are times when I discard the shroud of negativity, but then circumstances become more apocalpytic and then I retreat to my pessimistic shell. I have the potential to achieve what I want to, but the apprehensions are too many.

I feel so cut off from the world. The loneliness gnaws at me, eats into my soul. I speak to many and to a third person's perspective I lead a perfect life. A peek into my mind and soul would reveal otherwise. I have a few whom I confide in, but without them I am susceptible to the vices of my mind. I can see and feel death brush against me with eternal ease. One thing I know, I do not fear Death, not now..

This entire write - up might stir some feelings against me in the minds of the reader. Nevertheless, even I hate to be prone to criticisms of undervaluing a beautiful and gifted life. I have voiced my agony - of living this life, yet I am among those who are resilient or have to be one among them to be accpetable. Otherwise I would be christened as a 'Coward', and I defer to accept it..

Hence the fight is on....

Memories!

Cuddled up on the floor I lie,
Disturbed
Memories they hurt me…
“Memories’ – they lurk like shadows, inseparable,
They fade with the climb of evening,
But even in the darkness they find their way..
Tears they shed, heart they break,
“No more this pain I cry”
Darkness stares into my face,
My soul wounded,
I lie there buried in the grief of my memories

Life

Lonely as I walk
Shadowed by the cloudy sky
Thirsty for those smiles gone by
My soul wet with tears
I close my eyes..

I sneak into the corridors of my thoughts
They scare me,
Things I would never dare, I do
Hopelessness breathes
Suffocation thrives
Death survives.

Afraid, I break into a sprint
Try to escape from the vices of my mind,
Desperate, I fall on my knee
No faith, no desire,
I want to break free…

Just then,

A tiny tot tugs at my dress,
Her healing caress,
Moist lips against my cheek
Her arms locked around my neck
The pain fades away..

Those mysterious eyes,
Unfolds -
Secrets of life and love
Her smile so divine..
Unrelenting
To the wraths of life
Her determination,
Reinforces the very reason of her existence..

She - An angel in disguise,
Makes me realize,
To value this blessing called LIFE..

Life’s like a clock’s pendulum,
You have to survive the extremes,
Sway from one end to the other
But never stop ticking…

How I wish I could Tell, how much you mean to me!

How I wish I could tell,
How much you mean to me
Like the twilight drawing its curtains
To wash away night’s aggressions

How I wish I could tell,
How much you mean to me
Like the first bloom
Causing the nature to boom

How I wish I could tell,
How much you mean to me
Like the soothing chirp of birds
No meaning no words

How I wish I could tell,
How much you mean to me
Like a distant glow of light
In a scary dark night

How I wish I could tell,
How much you mean to me
Like the thirsty earth
After the first showers, getting a new birth

How I wish I could tell,
How much you mean to me
Like the gentle breeze
Pushing the harshness to cease

How I wish I could tell,
How much you mean to me
Like the morning dew
Cuddling a kissing a few

How I wish I could tell,
How much you mean to me
Like the clouds caressing the sky
How I wish the clouds were I..

And yet after this I feel
How much you mean to me Could I ever tell?

Woman - the price you pay!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!
The scream tore through the darkness,
Stopped me in my tracks,
I froze to the deafening silence.

Silhouettes of men against the foggy night
Scrambling for life,
They vanished out of sight

A frame slithered
My heart twitched
Amidst bitter sobbing
Someone shrieked,
“Help me..”

I slashed through the thick bush
My mind totally numb
I felt the blood rush
I tried not to succumb

Shreds of clothes strewn around,
Wriggled on the ground
Was a woman – naked
Wrapped in muck and blood,
Her hands bound with cord..
Her eyes devoid of expression
Her face starved of emotions
Her body writhed in pain,
She was floating in unknown terrain..

She was preyed upon
By ruthless scavengers called men,
Every inch of her body, clawed at
By those hungry vultures
She must have tried hard,
To stave off those beasts
As they raped her again and again..
Every breath of hers
Must have pleaded mercy
But she was ripped apart
With that male thrust..

A scar on her womanhood,
Soul devastated beyond repair
Dreams shattered,
Dignity snatched
She is reduced to nothing,
But a log of wood..

You!!

I remember those days,
When you were mine.
You took the first step,
And made me thine,
You taught me to love,
You taught me to care,
You gave me a reason to breathe and I swear
I still live by your love…..

You swept me off my feet
Gave me arms I could cling to
You were the shade
Weary and weak, I could come to
You stood by my side and I swear
I still live by your love..

But down the line,
I let you down…
Never could I be there for you,
Never did I understand you,
Expectations I dint’ live up to
Disappointments became a part of you..
You parted ways and I swear
I don’t blame you..

Forgive me, can I say?
Believe me when I say –

You are the one and only one……