The one person I am 'myself' with... is my Mother! She knows me inside out.. But did I miss to mention, she is one person I avoid confrontation, cause she is always right.. well maybe more often than not!! She has this incredible sixth sense especially when it comes to discerning my emotions. Honest, I don't have to utter a word and she knows that something's terribly wrong with me. She needs to only peek into my eyes and out comes the cat out of the bag!She has recently acquired this "someone-save-my-heart-broken-daughter" syndrome - reason she has seen my tears "raining" not once, twice but every time and all because of the same person. I bet she would have been more accommodating if my heart breaks were associated with different persons, given the current situation... Hell no, I am not sulking over my past.... aaagh why waste time over a worthless past (I know half my folks would be exhilarated after reading this particular sentence. Consequences of my heart break - a distraught family). Coming back to the point, some of my psychology basics got reinforced today - "Classical Conditioning". There have been times, when anything even remotely connected to "him" would get me into one of the "self - inflicted Ms. Devdaasi" modes. And usually in such circumstances I used to go on a "hunger-strike" (not intentionally though, but my stomach would just exhibit a 'no-entry' board). This association was observed by a "worried" Mom. I never realised this till today, when I kinda went on a similar "low-diet" spree and this question pops up - "did you happen to speak to anyone today?"... Phew, Mom can't I just not feel hungry and cut my portion size?Reflecting on my "not-so-evenful" past, I realize I invested my love, time, efforts even myself into something (for someone) which never had a lock-in period, no profits, no dividends, worse I was penalized for those very investments. Now, I am left BANKRUPT...Anyone interested in financing me? ;-)
Soul lies severed in pieces
feasted upon by envy and disgust
Canines of wrath dig in deep
venom injected
mind paralyzed
sucking out modicums of fortitude
Claws of despair rip apart body and flesh
Blood adulterated sinning
Mortal self stung by viciousness
Ghoulish remnants precipitate....
A Demon within summoned ...
.... hidden always in the shadows of consciousness...
Liquefy
that which is metamorphosed
Cast away
that which was worthless
Silence
that eternal turbulence
Drown
that naked reality
Crumble
that frozen illusion
Strip off
memories of those fragile bygones
Now.....
Awaken
that which lies in slumber
Usher
the fragrance of wet earth
Sing
to the solitude of tranquil
Raise a toast
to the new beginning.......
Celebrate
.................... a victory called Life!!
Standing at the zenith
I take the splendid landscape in
The sky a velvet fairy
Shimmering in hues pastel
Sun gliding behind the clouds
Slowly turning hazel
Incessant hum of waters splashing
Breeze through the greens swooshing
Downing the salty scents in..
Thoughts -
sneak surreptitiously
crawling like nocturnals
crippling happiness...
Like the tiny sparkling stars
distant yet so impacting
Waves crashing
on the rocky shores
I feel the tremors within
The hollow inside overwhelming
the vastness filling in
I wish the evil to drown
but they stay forever floating...
Wrenching within are thoughts wild
Shapeless and eluding
Dazed I stare at the sea,
Overcome by its mysterious power -
Peaceful yet threatening
Comforting yet so gullible
Deep there silent and secretive!!!!
A hysterical laughter reverberates
Contained emotions gush out
breaking the barriers of future, present & past
I paint my life
with different strokes
blotching moments divine
emphasizing the dark,
ignoring the sublime
Crushed.. I blow away the dried rose
dead somewhere in the books of my past
Turning pages
find nothing
but stains smeared vast
Melting like a candle
awaiting the pain to pass
The flame flickering incandescent
absolutely "true to life"
I forget to realize my worth
Shards of broken heart, I collect
unable to shape them now
But awash of guilt and guile
Radiating a strength anew
Sands of my life now numbered
Freedom is what I seek
Let loose hell or wrath
Forgiveness to my accord
No more am I meek!!!
I peer through this sombre night
nothing more than emptiness in sight
A peaceful silence outside
but droning noise inside
Thoughts melancholy in the mind ruffle
Discomfort and suffocation now shuffle
Tranquil put at bay
Mental frame in a disarray
Anger ruthlessly at me, claws
Jealousy clutches me by its paws
Pain raises its ugly hood
Sorrow spewing poison as it could
In this colossal trauma, I wince
Take it, take this away before I collapse
Devastation at its height
It rules me with all its might
Yet I struggle
And put up a fake smile
To deceive the world all the while
For a smile is all it takes......!!!
A smile robbed somewhere
Tears ornament someone
Dreams crash somewhere
Loneliness marries someone
A heart breaks somewhere
Hurt triumphs someone
Trust broken somewhere
Love fails someone
Pain creeps in somewhere
Insecurity engulfs someone
Faith lost somewhere
Life defeats someone!!
And all you gotta say is
"I am sorry!!
Wish a Sorry could comfort someone........
